your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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