NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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