I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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