Don't you send me to vm
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize