Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
