A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize