just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
