but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
