I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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