I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
