i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
