i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just cut my nipple shaving
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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