Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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