you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize