im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
