God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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