I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
