now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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