Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize