One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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