he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
50% drunk capacity currently
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
