I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize