I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize