Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
