And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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