Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize