I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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