he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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