Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
