Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Randomize
