break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
