I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
A+ Viking dick
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
