If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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