I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize