Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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