I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
