my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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