Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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