Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Michael Bay diarrhea
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize