I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She's the barista slut.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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