He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
