her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
