Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
