So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
