she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
