we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
