Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
