How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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