I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
