Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
