nut hugger
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
