we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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