When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
