I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
