theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
