I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
