oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
