I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
