I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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