This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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