I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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