the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize