She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
