We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
