Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
