get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
