My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
