Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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