1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i may or may not be watching the land before time
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize