So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
