Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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