You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
