fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
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