Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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