so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
