dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
