does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
