Cold hands, warm shart.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
