my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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