I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Can I color on your dick again?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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