i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize