so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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