ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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