Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
