brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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