areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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