Just fell off a train. Bad.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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