batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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