then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
