talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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