What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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