I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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