Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
