She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
