There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
