I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
