Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
