I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
